Good Friday

Yesterday was Good Friday, which I think is appropriate because it’s bittersweet. Obviously, no one was THINKING that it was Good when, two thousand years ago, Jesus was crucified. But as I reflect on Good Friday, I remember that God truly does work all things for the good for His children. I also recognize that life is often bittersweet, in that usually my life is full of blessings while it has some sad moments and challenges. I have found that my life is never all sad or all good, there are usually aspects of both that encourage me to focus on the good.

I was feeling the “bitter” and the “sweet” of my life all week. I had a reunion phone call with the IBM team with whom I lived in Ghana. It was wonderful to hear everyone’s voices and to catch up, but it was also sad to realize that we may never all be in the same place at the same time again. The beginning of our call was lively and exciting, and after we caught up then we all kind of turned to nostalgia for Takoradi, missing Ghana, and sadness that our trip was over.

I took my final anti-malaria pill yesterday, a tangible reminder that my African adventure (this one, at least) is truly over. I also took my braids out, a bittersweet occasion all to itself (sadness that they’re gone and excitement to get my scalp washed). I feel so grateful for having had the experience, but I am also sad that it ended. To tame the “bitter” I am focusing on the many sweet memories I created, which I will treasure forever. I am constantly reminded that I am a blessed woman.

Over the last 10 days since being back in southern California, I waver between feeling disconnected and feeling loved. I am so glad that my friends have rallied around me to remind me that I am treasured, because the transition has been more challenging than I expected. I’ve been through this cultural readjustment before (returning from missions trips) but this time has been more difficult than I imagined. My closest friends are calling and texting me regularly to check on me and make sure I am doing okay. I was in a funk for the first week and I knew that I had a 50/50 chance to either come out of it or to dip into a depression, and I’ve done everything I can to stack the deck in my favor.

I have intentionally been out with friends every night, even at the expense of getting my condo and life back in order. I am grateful for all the warm and loving “welcome homes” I have received. And I’ve enjoyed seeing how God is using people and circumstances to send me love on a daily and hourly basis, when I need it most. Thanks to all of you for letting God use you to remind me that He loves me! I’ve also been thrilled that so many friends from out of town have ended up being here over the last week, giving me plenty of opportunities to hang out with people who I love and miss.

As with anything in life, I return a different person. And I have a feeling that this experience is going to be a defining moment in my life. I don’t yet exactly know how, but I do know that I am already changed, that I want to change, and that I am still changing. I am eager to see how God uses this in my life, and I trust that He will work it all for the good.